3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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