4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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