Plan B is the new Plan A
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
