I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
