When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
