Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
