Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
