Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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