I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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