When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
