so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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