You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
