Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
