HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
