yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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