Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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