I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
