I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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