I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
