It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
