Old men and throwing up are my life now.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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