hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
