Im at strip club and am horny
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
