and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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