I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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