WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
