My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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