just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
