This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
