The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
oh god was she eating orange peels again
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
