Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
P.S. I can't hear my feet
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Help. Why am I so naked?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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