Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
