She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
