he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
