This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
