Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
