chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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