im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
