when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
We smell like vodka and hangover
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