YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
