Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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