ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
