I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
