Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
