It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
