Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
