Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
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