when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
we have pet lesbian snakes
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
