At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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