____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
People in love make me want to vomit
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
