can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
