perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
