OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
