Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
