all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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