apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
false alarm, still single
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
